The corporeal reality. Meatspace. I have entered it once more, and it feels good to know I’m more than a hurting head. The rest of my body can hurt, too!
I wanted to get here earlier, but due to car problems, I was only able to drive to Freiburg this Wednesday. The drive itself was actually a cool experience; I’m not used to long distances yet, and being on the road for six hours, just me, my car and some crappy fast food, had me in sort of a meditative state. “Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless, like gasoline.” That kinda stuff.
And I’m unsure to what degree I’m still caught in the aftermath of that state of un-mind. The people here are nice, and they do the thinking and talking for me. I’ve just hooked in my carabiner and let them pull me along for now. Which is a nice way to relax and gain new experiences, ideally even be inspired.
But despite relaxation, exploration and inspiration enjoying a high status in most modern minds, what’s their actual value if they’re not applied? Relaxation is temporary by definition. The other two last until they’re forgotten, and my memory’s not the best, not in the factual nor the methodical realm. So then the game becomes manifesting electricity. Which is a good game in and of itself, but the whole point of it is that the current determines the direction. I get to shape the manifestation with my hands, but that’s it. What if I want to pick the goal? What if I already have one in mind? Do I need to cut the cord? I mean, meta-figuratively. I know how carabiners work.
Maybe it’s all a question of balance. Discipline and spontaneity. Maybe they can even synergize; now that I have room to breathe and move, discipline feels far more attainable again. Once I manage to actually exercise it, it could lead to achievements which could in turn lift my spirits and keep me from feeling guilty when I’m not sat down to work. Theoretically. Would be nice if it went that way. I guess we’ll see.
In any case, this stop already feels more refreshing than stop number one in Würzburg. There, I was pretty much stuck inside (my head) for no good reason but my inherent tendency for autoencapsulation. The project I spent most of my scarce energy on up there was a short film Art wanted to make. Working title: “Apartment”. He canceled slash froze the project the day I left; and now I’ve found new energy exploring the outdoors, i.e. the space outside the apartment. It’s all very convincing on a symbolical level. I’ll keep my eyes open though. After all, my extensive musical education has taught me that a) “superstition ain’t the way” and b) “two can be as bad as one” (a.k.a. the loneliest number).
Speaking of corpora and carabiners, here’s one of the aforementioned current-fed materializations. It’s- it’s a picture, is what I’m trying to say.